Anyone Want My Autograph?

I know some of you read The New York Times Book Review article about Laura and Jenna Bush’s new children’s book, Read All About It! The reviewer, Roger Sutton, editor-in-chief of The Horn Book Magazine, basically panned it, in particular the scene where the kids go to the library for the first time: “It has everything a library needs—except a librarian….In a book promoting the joy of reading, this, my friends, is low.”

This got me thinking. I’ve written bad stories too, which never made it further than my critique group. But the Bushes—aka, the First Writers—have given me renewed hope I can sell them. Not only that, the three things I hate most about writing--rewriting, being critiqued, and receiving rejection letters--would become a thing of the past.

All I have to do is become a celebrity first.

Maybe I’ll be the daughter of a president. But first, I have to convince my dad to run. This could be tough. Ever since he retired, his primary party affiliation has been Hedonist.

How about an aging pop star? I’ve already got the aging part down. I just have to learn to sing, wear cone bras, and simulate making out with Justin Timberlake. Then I could sell a whole series of bad books.

During interviews, I could explain how when I started reading to my young son, I “couldn’t believe how vapid and vacant and empty all the stories were.” So I decided to write one of my own. And then another.

So Jerry Stand-Up-Comedian Seinfeld, Katherine CBS-Anchor Couric, and Sarah The-Duchess-of-York Ferguson, watch your writerly backs. When my first celebrity book comes out, it’s going to be so bad, it’s going to knock all of you right off the best-seller lists.