The 12 Days of Christmas (Bookstore Style)

Hope you enjoy this adorable 12 Days of Christmas video from the Bookish Elves! Happy Holidays!

Read more!

Who's Going to Star in the Movie?

If you missed my publishing news from my December post, it goes something like this:

Squeeeee!  I have a book deal!!*

In the interim between the initial excitement and the editorial letter, there's a kind of a "did that really just happen" limbo.  Luckily, I spent some of that time with family and friends but the following is a smattering of the (sometimes) bizarre reactions to my book news.

Read more!

Writing Funny

I like to inject a fair amount of humor into my work. I don't write a lot of slapstick or ROTFLMAO stuff, but I hope my readers are giggling frequently. Lately, due to some personal circumstances, I've had a hard time writing at all, let alone writing funny.

I needed a way to combat my writing inertia and get me and my characters out of their gloom. So I invented a writing exercise. At least, I don't know of anyone else who has done this before. Oh, except maybe Second City and other improvisational acting troops.

So here's what I do when the funny is missing.

Read more!

Look Who's Coming to Dinner!

Thanksgiving is here! Already!  We still have uneaten Halloween candy!!

Stores are hawking their Black Friday sales - some even starting BEFORE Thanksgiving. (Black Wednesday, anyone?) Christmas decorations are adorning shopping centers and private residences. And my sure fire way of telling the holiday season is upon us - Starbucks has their holiday hot cups! And Peppermint Mochas!!

So, I'm going to keep this light. I'm hosting an incredible (albeit virtual) Thanksgiving feast and you're all invited! Please bring your favorite dish and a guest - a character: hero, villain or otherwise - from your favorite children's book. Picture books to YA! Classics to contemporary! Everyone is welcome.

Hmmm...I invited Severus Snape, but seeing as a)he doesn't want to fraternize with Muggles and b)he doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving and c) well, there was that nasty business in book seven...he declined via owl.

So instead my guest will be the lovely Katniss Everdeen. She promised to provide the fowl.

Who will you bring, dear Paper Waiters?

Read more!

Put Said to Bed

Last week my daughter's teacher sent out an e-blast letting us know what the children would be learning the upcoming week. As I scanned the e-mail I noticed in their Writing lesson they were going to learn how to "put said to bed". The image I kept getting was of poor little said, being sent to bed with no supper. I wondered if said would be the type of word who kept looking for ways to stay awake, rubbing its eyes, asking for water and maybe needing an extra blanket or two.

I was impressed because I don't remember learning something so fun in my own fourth grade class. I remember doing a report on the natural resources of Alabama.

But then I thought, is this really the right lesson for a writer? 

Said gets a bad rap, doesn't it? Use it too much it gets redundant and boring. Don't even think of spicing it up with an adverb (shudder) because the literary police will actually come knocking on your door and ticket you for lazy writing. "Then of course there are using other words in its place," she scoffed. 

Just the other night I had a conversation with my daughter that went something like this...

G - "Mom, what's another word for said?"
Me - "What do you mean?"
G-"You know, what can I use instead of said?" 
Me - "Um, hmm, well, you see..." 

No, really, try and answer that question easily. It wasn't that I was stumped, but I had to ask her what was going on in the scene. And then suddenly I was getting into dialogue mechanics* and the tone of the scene and what point did she want to get across and really all she wanted to do was finish her work, watch some Phineas and Ferb and then go to bed herself. 

To be clear, I don't have a problem teaching fourth graders to find different words for overused ones. I get it. This is for creativity, not creating a Printz-worthy masterpiece. It expands their minds, makes them think. As I revised some of my own writing this week, that little phrase kept going through my head. And while I didn't put said to bed on every page, I did give it some warm milk and made the suggestion on quite a few. The result was tighter, more concise dialogue.

Maybe not a bad lesson for writers after all. 

So how about you? Do you have trouble putting said to bed? 

*For a great lesson on dialogue mechanics and the word said please refer to the book Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King.

Read more!

Cotton Candy Reads

Right now on your night stand is a book (or e-book in your e-reader of choice) that you might not admit to anyone you’re reading. Or maybe it’s a book in your beach tote. Or a book tucked away in your purse for those random moments like waiting in line at the DMV, or your lunch hour, or the doctor’s office. It’s a book you’re reading for sheer entertainment. What I like to call my “Cotton Candy” reads.

Don’t get me wrong, my reading life doesn’t usually revolve around Cotton Candy reads. My favorite book happens to be The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak and I can talk until I’m blue in the face about the intricate plot, memorable characters, and the way I had to stay up until 3:00AM to finish it…sobbing, btw. But The Book Thief wasn’t an easy read. A great read, a thought-provoking read but not one I’d read in a bubble bath and yes, I tried. Something about Death and lavender scented bubbles didn’t really mix.

No, Cotton Candy reads are fun. Fluffy. Sugary. Not really good for you but fine in small doses. And you might even feel like you need to wash your hands after reading one. The Cotton Candy read that inspired this blog post is…don’t judge…pretty please…A Shore Thing by Nicole “Snooki” Pilozzi.

Yes, that Snooki.

I said don’t judge.

I’ll admit, even I JUDGED. I’m not a fan of Jersey Shore. Frankly, I’ve seen all of about five minutes of the show, and it sort of scared me. But the truth is I’m a Jersey girl and happen to LOVE the actual Jersey shore. I’ve stayed in a share house at Seaside before I knew better. I’ve ridden the Jet Star and imagined being throttled right out into the Atlantic on that first turn. I’ve had cheese steaks and fresh pressed lemonade from The Midway Steak House. Bruce. Bon Jovi. Need I say more?

And maybe that’s why I was so curious about it. Yea, yea, THAT’S IT. My novel out on submission also happens to be set in the Jersey shore, so I told myself reading it would be, um, research to suss out the competition. I never expected to actually enjoy it.

Odd thing is - I did.

As writers we need to read for many reasons. To study plot construction. To understand dialogue cadence. To see what works and what doesn’t. Reading helps us with our own writing in ways we’re probably not even completely aware. Sometimes the voices in my head are so loud when I read that it’s distracting. “Oh, here’s the inciting moment, there’s the first obstacle, here comes the point where everything goes really wrong and then only gets worse” You know what I mean because it happens to you too. (please say it does!)

Some of that even happened while I read A Shore Thing but not a whole lot. What I did find as I read it was I wasn’t really thinking about it at all. I was reading. Laughing. Being entertained. Is that really so awful? Nope. I don’t think so.*

Whenever anyone asks me to describe the book I say it was like Jackie Collins takes on the Jersey shore. Pure. Unadulterated. FUN. I completely got caught up in Gia Spumante’s search for the gorilla juice head of her dreams. I even had to Google some of the vocab like ‘gorilla juice head’ and ‘grenade’ and ‘smush’.

So wait, does that mean I learned something?

C’mon, fess up – what’s YOUR cotton candy read?


*In my defense, on the same weekend I read said book, I also saw the film “Barney’s Version” so I think the two sort of balanced my brain cells out.

Read more!

Kickin' It Old School

Hey Paper Waiters! I'm currently soaking up the rays in sunny Florida, but I found this gem in one of my old files and wanted to share it. I don't know who the author of this piece of genius is, so forgive me for not crediting the source - but a writer pal gave this to me about ten years ago...and it STILL stands...maybe even more-so than before. Enjoy!

Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device, trade-named-BOOK.

BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It’s so easy to use even a child can operate it. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere—even sitting in an armchair by the fire—yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM.

Here’s how it works: BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder, which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence.

Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density; for now, BOOKS with more information simply use more pages.

Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. BOOK may be taken up at any time and used merely by opening it. BOOK never crashes or requires rebooting, though, like other devices, it can become damaged if coffee is spilled on it and it becomes unusable if dropped too many times on a hard surface. The “browse” feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward or backward as you wish. Many come with an “index” feature, which pinpoints the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval.

An optional “BOOKmark” accessory allows you to open BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session—even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus, a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers. Conversely, numerous BOOK markers can be used in a single BOOK if the user wants to store numerous views at once. The number is limited only by the number of pages in the BOOK.

You can also make personal notes next to BOOK text entries with optional programming tools, Portable Erasable Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Styli (PENCILS).

Portable, durable, and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as a precursor of a new entertainment wave. BOOK’s appeal seems so certain that thousands of content creators have committed to the platform and investors are reportedly flocking to invest. Look for a flood of new titles soon.

Read more!

Happy Birthday, Dr. Seuss!

Everyone has their favorite Dr. Seuss book or Dr. Seuss line. Here are some of my favorite quotes. Please share some of your favorites!

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.”

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good.”

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”

“I know up on the top you are seeing great sights, but down at the bottom we, too, should have rights.”

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, Nothing is going to get better. It's not."

"You're off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting, So... get on your way!"

'The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.'

"Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try !"

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells."

"Be who you are, say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind"

"A person’s a person, no matter how small."

“I’m afraid sometimes you’ll play lonely games too, games you can’t win because you’ll play against you.”

“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.”

Read more!

FUNNY CATS SING NEW YEARS

Can't add anything to this! Enjoy!

Read more!

Bob Dylan - Must Be Santa

Last year a friend of mine who does a weekly music e-mail, sent out this offering of Bob Dylan "Must Be Santa" for Christmas. At first, I was like...huh? But this song and video never fail to make me smile.

So why include it here, on a writing blog?

First off...in case you haven't noticed there are only 4 shopping days until Christmas!!! (When did that happen?)

Secondly...I'm going to challenge you to use it as a writing prompt.

Yep. Here's your mission if you choose to accept it.

1. Find your sense of humor. I know mine is upset with me at the moment.

2. Go get a drink that warms your cockles. Coffee, Tea, Hot Chocolate with a mountain of whipped cream. Wine. Tequila. Disaronno.

3. Press play (if you've already done that, don't worry, you can still follow along)

4. Watch!

5. Comment. Have fun with it! Forget about wrapping, baking, visits, deadlines, bills, and hangovers. I mean, really I WANT to be at this party! Why does Bob change his hat so many times? Who are all those people? Who's the guy (or gal) passed out outside? And why...WHY do those three guys go tearing through the house?

I have my ideas...how about yours?

Read more!

Guess the Christmas Gifts

What gifts are under the tree for these nursery rhyme characters?

1. Wee Willie Winkie.
2. The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe.
3. Little Miss Muffet.
4. Little Boy Blue.
5. Jack and Jill.
6. Humpty Dumpty.
7. Doctor Foster.
8. Bobby Shafto and his girl friend.

Give up?

1. A Razor scooter.
2. The Pill.
3. A can of Raid.
4. A watch with an alarm.
5. A bottle of Percocet.
6. A parachute.
7. Waist high waders.
8. Skype.

Can you think of more characters and gifts?

Read more!

Ally's the Next Stephenie. But Who Will Be the Next Ally?

Did you read the news in Publishers Weekly about Ally Condie, the YA author who just inked a seven-figure advance on a three-book deal with Dutton? Wow. She’s being heralded as the next Stephenie Meyer. Well, that’s what her agent, Jodi Reamer at Writers House, said anyway. According to Reamer, reading Condie’s first book in the deal, Matched, reminded her of the first time she read Meyer’s Twilight. Double wow.

But wait, that’s not all Condie has in common with Meyer. Did anyone else notice? Their backstories are surprisingly similar. To wit:

1. They both attended Brigham Young University in Utah.
2. They both have three sons.
3. They both wrote their big-ticket books as stay-at-home moms.
4. They’re both Mormons.
5. They both have Reamer as their agent.

If you're a regular reader of this blog, you may have noticed that my fellow Paper Waiters have been dropping like flies lately; landing agents, selling books, and winning writing contests. And then there's me, still in the hunt for my first agent/book deal. So I'm sure you can understand why I’m willing to try anything at this point, including selling my soul to He Who Shall Not Be Named.

And now Condie and Meyer’s mega-deals have given me a stupendous new idea: I’m going to stop revising my manuscript ad nauseum and revise my personal backstory instead. It's radical, I know, but, it can't hurt. Here’s my plan:

1. Move my family out west and get a master’s at BYU. There’s great skiing in Utah, anyway, so that’s fine by me.
2. Have a third son. I already have two, so I’m already two-thirds of the way there. My older son even happens to be named Gabe, just like Meyer’s oldest son. Is it a sign?
3. Quit my job as a college writing instructor/freelance writer to become a stay-at-home mom. If we’re moving out west, I have to quit work anyway, so again, I'm halfway there.
4. Change my religion. I suppose this means that glass of wine with dinner has got to go. Grr.
5. Land Jodi Reamer as my agent.
6. Update my author's photo (shown). I suppose it couldn't hurt to look a little less simian, more simmering.

Wait. Is that the sound of cyber laughter I hear? Is that an agent, shaking his or her virtual head, saying, "Don’t be redonkulous, you nit, you can’t sell a manuscript based solely on a good backstory. You have to write a stellar manuscript too. I mean, duh."

Fine. Call me desperate. Call me whatever you like. Just call me. And don’t forget to use my new number. In Provo, Utah.

Read more!

25 Random Things About You? I Tagged a Famous Friend on Facebook

And here is my famous friend's response.

25 Random Things About Me:
1. I come from a single parent family.
2. My favorite foods are bananas and nuts.
3. I'm a kidnap victim who lives in permanent exile, but the trauma hasn't made me neurotic.
4. Always wanted to fly like a bird. Fell off an ocean liner trying to soar with the seagulls.
5. Once I dialed a random phone number and all hell broke loose.
6. I was born in a jungle.
7. I'm pretty good at folding and floating newspaper boats.
8. I dislike zoos.
9. I like to ride bikes and to fly kites.
10. Thanks to luck and my agility, I once escaped from jail.
11. Yellow is my favorite color, but I wish a certain someone would ditch his nerdy yellow hat.
12. I never obey traffic signs or signals.
13. Once I swallowed a puzzle piece and ended up in the hospital.
14. I'm not afraid of heights.
15. I enjoy making people smile.
16. Zoom! I love to race when I'm chased.
17. I have parachuted out of a space ship. Earned a medal when I landed.
18. I've worked as a house painter. Love spreading those colors around!
19. Sometimes I smoke a pipe after dinner.
20. I have good balance - can walk on telephone wires.
21. I'm fond of balloons, especially red ones.
22. I've ridden on a 78rpm record player.
23. I have trashed an exhibit in a natural history museum.
24. Sometimes I wish I had a sibling. Double the fun and adventure!
25. I'm exceedingly curious about everything.

Read more!

Is The Movie Ever Better Than the Book? (or hot actors in wet clothes)

I've never read Pride and Prejudice. Blasphemy from someone who aspires to be a chick lit writer, right? Especially since I know the story inside and out.

My first introduction to Pride and Prejudice was in senior year of high school. It was the one book I didn't read, and yes, I was a goody-two shoes avid reader, so why not his one? Not sure. I think I was in a rebellious phase, complete with a know-it-all attitude and a college boyfriend. Whatever the reason, I didn't read it.


It wasn't until one January evening, long ago, that I stumbled upon the A&E mini-series and was captivated. So my first real introduction to Mr. Darcy was Colin Firth. Brooding, yummy and walking across the lawn of Pemberley, after just having taken a swim. Sigh. I mean, whoa. This was the book I didn't want to read? So I went out and bought it. I started to read it, honest. But...well...I put it down after the first chapter. I don't know why.

Fast forward to one December evening not too long ago (great, two flashbacks in one blog entry, there must be some rule about that), I found myself with some very unexpected alone time and ordered up On Demand the latest version of Pride and Prejudice starring Keira Knightly as Elizabeth Bennet. I didn't want to like it as much as the mini-series, but from the moment that haunting, dreamy, romantic score beckoned me into the movie, I was captivated once again. But someone other than Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy? I just wasn't sure I could buy that.

Sigh. I was wrong. Very wrong.

Matthew Macfadyen, as Mr. Darcy, brooding, yummy and wet from being out in the rain, professing "I love you. Most ardently." to a royally pissed off Elizabeth Bennet, hmmmmmmm...well, they got me. And I tried to read the book. Again.

And didn't.

Does this mean I didn't experience Jane Austen's vision? The mini-series was more thorough than the movie I'm guessing, and I really can't compare the book...yet. All I know is that I continue to be captivated by this story. (and no, not just the hot actors in wet clothing who play the roles) The multitude of brilliant characters. The customs. The sweeping English countryside. What a delicious glimpse into this time period. Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy were born on the page. This story came from Jane Austen's imagination. So movie or book, I'm not sure it matters.

Talk about a test of time.

Okay, fess up. Any book-to-film novels you didn't read before you saw the movie? And do you still feel compelled to read it?

Read more!

Anyone Want My Autograph?

I know some of you read The New York Times Book Review article about Laura and Jenna Bush’s new children’s book, Read All About It! The reviewer, Roger Sutton, editor-in-chief of The Horn Book Magazine, basically panned it, in particular the scene where the kids go to the library for the first time: “It has everything a library needs—except a librarian….In a book promoting the joy of reading, this, my friends, is low.”

This got me thinking. I’ve written bad stories too, which never made it further than my critique group. But the Bushes—aka, the First Writers—have given me renewed hope I can sell them. Not only that, the three things I hate most about writing--rewriting, being critiqued, and receiving rejection letters--would become a thing of the past.

All I have to do is become a celebrity first.

Maybe I’ll be the daughter of a president. But first, I have to convince my dad to run. This could be tough. Ever since he retired, his primary party affiliation has been Hedonist.

How about an aging pop star? I’ve already got the aging part down. I just have to learn to sing, wear cone bras, and simulate making out with Justin Timberlake. Then I could sell a whole series of bad books.

During interviews, I could explain how when I started reading to my young son, I “couldn’t believe how vapid and vacant and empty all the stories were.” So I decided to write one of my own. And then another.

So Jerry Stand-Up-Comedian Seinfeld, Katherine CBS-Anchor Couric, and Sarah The-Duchess-of-York Ferguson, watch your writerly backs. When my first celebrity book comes out, it’s going to be so bad, it’s going to knock all of you right off the best-seller lists.

Read more!

If J.K. can do it, so can I

Unless you’ve been studying potions at Hogwarts, you’ve heard the news that J.K. Rowling is suing the wannabe publisher of The Harry Potter Lexicon, an encyclopedia of all things Potter.

She says it’s copyright infringement. I wonder why the cease-and-desist order didn’t come sooner, when the encyclopedia was on line. Sounds more like a case of muggle money to me.

But I digress. What really struck me about this case was her saying that the lawsuit has "decimated [her] creative work over the last month" and that she has stopped working on a new novel.

Now that got me thinking. If J.K. can do it, so can I. I’m going to file a lawsuit against the forces of evil—my creative Death Eaters, if you will—that prevent me from finishing my novel too.

To my children, Gabe and DJ, consider yourselves served. Rearing the two of you has truly decimated my creative work. And we’re not talking one month here, we’re talking eight years!

To my husband, Ian, consider yourself served too. If you hadn’t persued that “hot new career opportunity,” I wouldn’t have tabled my manuscript to freelance for the last ten months.

I could go on. Suing people, I mean. My mother, who wants me to stop by to see her newly recovered chair. Maybe I’ll even sue my kids’ hamster, Sammy, whose cage needs cleaning again. And don’t even get me started about the dirty dishes in the sink. Note to self: Sue Fiesta Ware.

Maybe if I make enough money suing people, I can be as rich as J.K. some day.

Then I won’t have to worry about not finishing my novel, either.

Read more!