Sunday, September 16, 2012

Fineena's Final Choice

In our village in Ireland this summer, a 58 foot fin whale swam into our harbor, settled in to a corner where shore meets pier and rested in shallow water. The chest-high cement wall along the pier overflowed with villagers craning their necks to see over and down towards the water below.

With her nose into the apex of cement walls, able to submerge just inches beneath the surface, she rose and blew, spraying seawater from her blowhole and puffing every few minutes. It was a fascinating spectacle. How often can you watch a whale, and see its face, with protruding gray balls for eyes, and a white horseshoe mouth bigger than my kitchen, up close, for hours on end?

Sadly, it was soon apparent that our whale friend was not well. 
Muddy red water let everyone know that Fineena, (Irish for ‘beautiful child’, the name dubbed her by locals) was bleeding internally. No one, not the veterinarian, the whale specialist, nor the fishermen could help. This was real life, not a children’s story. Fineena lay ill for three days before dying, enduring tidal shifts which left her slick black skin half exposed above the water, scratched ragged from a gale-force storm which tossed her helplessly against the cement pier and rocky bottom. 

Simultaneously macabre and inspirational, from a writer’s point of view, I wonder where I should take this story. Children’s reactions were as varied as their accents. One teenage boy broke into tears. Others watched wide-eyed with obvious questions. Some just accepted it, with “That’s nature.” 

Can I use this emotive experience to write a happy picture book ending for Fineena? Can I use the powerful death scene I witnessed in a middle grade novel and how? Her behavior brings up so many questions and infinite story possibilities. Why did she choose our village as her final resting place? Why not the shallow creek where the seal colony lives, or another of the limitless, uninhabited coves nearby? Fineena swam past hundreds of boats with low keels, their thick-roped moorings stretching from the water’s surface to the bay floor, creating an underwater maze. How did she manage to cause no damage? Why was she so determined – was it something about the echo of human voices across the water? 

I wrote my initial impressions as the story unfolded. When I look back at that draft, I am struck by the richness of detail and emotion, and authenticity. The voice, using the point of view of the whale, is much more powerful than my remote efforts. So writers, you’ve heard it before: write it down, right away! Take copious notes. It matters. Readers will feel it. 

I don’t yet know what my final choice will be for the story, but it feels like a story worth sharing.

8 comments:

  1. Seems life may have handed you a great story. The telling of it will probably not be easy because there are so many decisions to make, but if you don't lose the emotional elements of that first draft, you'll be fine.
    Go for it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Julie,

    So sorry to hear of the whale's death. I am glad you took notes about what you witnessed. Remember, you can change the ending if you prefer. Have you asked other authors who have published traumatic stories based on life if they let their notes set a while before writing it up or if they dashed it off while emotions were raw?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks Gale! And good point Linda -- I'm not sure what the best practice is for a story like this. Suggestions anyone?

    ReplyDelete
  4. This would be a wonderful story. As to the not-happy-ending, the classic Andersen's Little match Girl is a reminder that such can be the most powerful.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Powerful post, Julie.

    You may want to try several versions of a story to see what feels right.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Powerful post, Julie.

    You may want to try several versions of a story to see what feels right.

    ReplyDelete
  7. What a powerful post, Julie! Sometimes with a story like this, I wonder if distance might be what is needed. You can try to use this immediately in a variety of ways, but it seems to me that is is likely to inspire your writing in direct and subtle ways for quite a while to come.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thanks Mirka -- Little Match Girl is a good reminder that sad endings can be very effective, and appropriate for kids.
    And Judy and Brianna, I think I'll try both -- writing something now to see how it works, and then later, another version. I'm sure I'll draw on it for the emotion and action in my WIP Novel (which I have got to get back to...)

    ReplyDelete